I'm back!

I can't believe how long it's been since I've written!!! It's shameful, truly. Can I blame my husband who wanted to put the computer upstairs? That's a lot of extra effort to get on the computer, don't you think?
Well, our boxes are unpacked, school's almost out, our vacation has come and gone,
company has come and gone, illnesses have come and gone. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel that has been moving / the month of May in general.

I will be back with pictures of our latest adventures, but here's a quick recap.
The move is done and this place is starting to feel like home. Every once in a while, I still accidentally drive to our old neighborhood when heading home, but not lately. :) I still don't have anything on the walls, which is not like me at all. I am intimidated by the soaring ceilings and it's making me much less of a risk-taker than I normally am with decorating. I do have all of my fabric for curtains...bolts of it waiting for me to fire up the sewing machine. Whew. I'm tired just thinking about that! There are lots of projects looming in my future - I'll have to pace myself so I don't get too burned out!
Anyone want to come paint cabinets with me? Tempting, I know...
If you know me very well, you know that I will have a really hard time posting photos of the house until it's at least partially decorated. Sorry! :) Soon, though...
I have been subbing a couple of days a week- which is winding down now. It's fun to get back in the teaching world every now and then. Makes me wonder what my future career path will look like... I'd love one of thoes non-classroom jobs - ESL or GT or librarian? How does one land a gig like that? Being a classroom teacher with three kids at home seems impossible sometimes. And stressful, too.
Hug your kid's teacher - they work incredibly long hours, and it's not an easy job.

Next... We just returned home from Hawaii! We went to Ohahu and the Big Island and had the BEST time! I didn't want to come home. The kids were in Heaven. I've got great pictures that I'll post when I get a little time. We took them out of school all last week (such rebels, aren't we?). Don't scold me - their make-up work is ALL DONE! With Scott working for an airline and the stand-by nature of our travel, we can't travel easily when everyone else travels. Hence the May vacation. It was well worth it! Halle Grace LOVED the beach, Grant and Scott stumbled upon a big reef shark with snorkeling, and Scott, Garrett, and I snorkeled with sea turtles. We also built sand castles, picked macadamia nuts, saw the erupting volcano (from a distance - and I mean DISTANCE), ate Hawaiian shave ice, went to a Luau, hiked to a waterfall, boogie boarded, and spent time with good friends in Honolulu. A great time was had by all. LOVE that place.

The next several days are full of Halle Grace's ballet production - Cinderella (rehearsal every night this week - ughh!), Grant's football playoffs, end-of-year parties, and Kindergarten graduation. So.... I most likely will not be back upstairs to get on the computer until next Wednesday (the last day of school).
See you then (if there is anyone left even checking this... :)

One Year Home Today!

I put together a slideshow of Halle Grace's first year with us. The computer was extra slow tonight, so they are not in chronological order after the first few... :)

How blessed we feel today! Thank you, Lord!

A Happier Post...

Time for something a little cheerier, don't you think? :)
We are MOVING! It's crazy around here, but I knew if I didn't stop and blog now, it would never get done. We close on our new house on Tuesday and we'll start moving in slowly - hopefully to be finished after next weekend. I can't remember what I've posted about the house, but we are so excited about it! We love the neighborhood - it's small, full of kids, and right by the elementary school (the kids can walk!). The kids will have to switch schools, which is a bummer. But they will finish out the year at Liberty. They already have some friends at the other school (Hidden Lakes) from church and other activities, plus they'll meet lots of new friends in the neighborhood - they'll be fine. It's a great school and we know we'll be in good hands. Halle Grace's ESL teacher goes to Hidden Lakes as well as Liberty, so she's excited about that. The house is 2-stories, which is new for us - that is such a novelty for kids (not so much for me:). It's pretty much move-in-ready, which is so nice. We are changing a few things to make it our own, but it's in great shape.
I'll post pictures of it soon.

In other news, tomorrow is Halle Grace's first Homecoming Day! There are lots of different ways people celebrate adoptions - some celebrate the day they met their child, or the day the judge made them a family, or the day they picked up their child from the orphanage(known as "Gotcha Day"). For us, although all of those days were memorable, the day that stands out the most was the day Halle Grace arrived home for the first time. We were met at the airport by family and friends and it was the sweetest sight I'd seen in a long time! Halle Grace could hardly wait to see her daddy (who came home after court), and the way she ran into his arms that day is one of our most treasured memories. This was the day we were all united for the first time as a family. To celebrate, we're planning a big family dinner at a Hibache restaurant (great idea, Paras!), followed by cake (I love any excuse to make a cake!). Some dear friends gave Halle Grace a James Avery charm bracelet when we brought her home, and we got her a new charm for it as a gift. I think we'll do this each year on this day.

What a year it's been! I can't believe how much fun we've had with this precious little girl. She has brought a breath of fresh air to all of us. She has come so far and has endured more change than any kid I know without batting an eye. She has completely learned English, and unfortunately, completely forgotten Russian. She has learned to read, count, swim, ride a bike, ride a scooter, fish, camp, host tea parties, paint, build forts, love American food, pray, love God, love her family, love mint chocolate chip ice cream, jump on the trampoline, gymnastics, ballet, learned to make new friends...and much more...all in one year. That's quite an accomplishment, don't you think? It's amazing the way God brought her to us, and how she fits so perfectly. She talks occasionally about her life with her "bad mommy" (that's what she calls her), and at the orphanage, but it's very matter-of-fact. She just seems to be able to completely comprehend that that life is over, and now she is with the family she was meant to be with, and that's it! She sometimes gets sad when she describes experiences from that time, but she has never had a nightmare about it, nor has it affected her emotionally in any way. I believe that the Lord has healed her hurts - and I think she knows that too. Praise God for the way he moves mountains and works miracles!

Last week, on the way to church, Halle Grace blurted out that she believes God is real. How precious is that?! I could almost see God smile.

Happy Homecoming Day, Halle Grace! We love you!

10 Years

10 years ago...March 30th, 1999.
I was teaching 6th grade Language Arts at that time, and this day was our 6th grade field trip to the Fort Worth museum. I was 22 weeks pregnant with our first child, and was on top of the world. I was having a baby girl and had just ordered the fabric for the nursery.
But today,there was a little cloud hovering over my "top of the world" feeling that day, though. I hadn't felt the baby move much and I was starting to get a little nervous. I remember eating chocolate and drinking a coke just before visiting the planetarium - surely that would do the trick.
It didn't.
As soon as I got home from work, I called my OBGyn. I thought for sure she would tell me not to worry, it would be fine.
She didn't.
She asked me to come up to the hospital since she was there anyway.
I waited for Scott to get home from work so we could go to the hospital together. I remember getting more and more scared - just standing outside in our front yard waiting for him. I just stood there, begging God to let our baby be ok. Once we arrived, we were taken into an exam room, where a couple of different nurses tried to find our baby's heartbeat.
They couldn't find it.
"She's just turned funny" - I remember thinking. Get me on a sonogram machine and we'll see that she is fine.
They did.
And she wasn't fine.
The room spun. I felt like I was dreaming - only none of the dreams I had about my baby were anything like this. This was a nightmare that I wanted desperately to wake up from.
I remember Scott laying his head on my pregnant belly, crying.
I remember my parents were there by this time. My mom was crying and my dad was quiet. I remember utter disbelief and shock.
All of the sudden, I was hearing words like "induce labor, potosin, epidural...".
Right now? This could not be happening.
Not to me.
Not to our baby.
We had a plan, and this was NOT it.
We had a crib...and a name.
All of my friends were pregnant at the same time - we were all going to be new moms together. This was not our plan at all.

One of my next memories is waking up in the night with the worst pain I have ever felt. I was only 22 weeks - why did it hurt so badly? Apparently, your body doesn't alter the pain of contractions according to how far along you are! I finally BEGGED for my epidural. And I got it, but I was in so much pain and was so restless, that it took them several tries to get it in. I was so high on Demerol, grief, and pain, that I refused to let anyone check me to see how far along things were progressing. The next thing I knew, I was wide awake and feeling like I needed to push. The nurse came in...
Our baby girl popped right out with a contraction (no pushing needed. Thank you Jesus!).
Although she was tiny, and her skin was thin and taut, she was perfectly formed.
She had eyelashes and fingernails! They wrapped her up and laid her in my arms.
It was the one time I would hold her this side of Heaven. I was keenly aware of this reality. Yet, through the shock and the pain, I remember being completely in awe of the miracle that had been growing inside me. What an intensely divine moment it is to see God's handiwork - the knitting together of a child.
She weighed 12.5 ounces, and she was 11 inches long. We named her Madeline Kate. I will never forget her sweet, peaceful face and the feel of her tiny body in my arms. Her feet were about the size of my thumbprint.

We were whiplashed back to reality as we were asked all kinds of questions about burials, cremation, hospital research, pictures,..... We just couldn't think about any of that. I didn't want to bury my baby in the ground. I wanted to take her home like new moms are supposed to. This wasn't how things are supposed to happen.
I knew, and so did Scott, that that tiny body was not our daughter. Our daughter had already received her new and perfectly healthy body in Heaven. An earthly burial sounded too painful at the time. We opted for the hospital research route. It was the best we could do at the time - anything more just wasn't in us.

The stream of visitors was constant. My parent's friends were the most comforting - people that had lived long enough to endure loss and knew how to act around us were the ones I looked forward to seeing. I love my friends dearly, but their pregnant bellies were more than I could take. For quite awhile, actually.

The next clear memory was my release from the hospital. I was wheeled out of my room, down the maternity hall, past the nursery. I could hear babies crying in the other rooms. I remember a physical ache in my empty arms. I remember waiting for Scott to bring up the car, sitting there with tears flowing silently down my face.
I felt like I could actually feel my heart breaking in two, and I wondered if life would ever be the same. I knew I would never forget that moment for as long as I lived.

When I arrived home, our church life group had been there cooking and cleaning for us. My house was sparkling clean, the fridge was full of food, and the table was full of gifts. It was like coming home to a big hug from God himself...a kindness we will never forget.

The few months that followed are a blur. Lots of sleepless nights. Lots of tears.
One by one, my friends all had their babies. All healthy and perfect. I remember visiting our best friends about a month later. They had a new baby and it was the longest we had been around a baby since we lost Madeline. I couldn't take it anymore when their baby would cry, and I would feel my milk let down. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. I didn't feel like I fit anywhere. I had given birth, I was a mom, yet I had no baby.
Would this ever end? Would I ever feel normal?

Slowly, but surely, I began to crawl out of my hole. The Lord started speaking to me through others and his word like I had never experienced. Little, by little, I could feel my heart getting stronger. I felt the presence of the Lord in a way I never knew possible.

A few months later, we got pregnant again. We were thrilled, but very cautious. Grant was born in 2000, full term and healthy! Garrett followed in 2002, not full-term, but still healthy. We were thrilled with our boys and felt so incredibly blessed.
But God wasn't finished. He had a plan to bring good out of the loss of our daughter.
Last year, in my ladies life group, I was put in a small group for prayer time. I didn't know either of the ladies in my group, and they didn't know about our adoption plans. After praying, one of them looked at me and said, "I heard the Lord say that he wants to redeem the month of March for your family and that it will no longer be a time of sorrow, but a time of great joy."
And it was true! Last year, in March, that is exactly what God did for us when we met Halle Grace. God revealed his plan - to bring joy and beauty from our past sorrow and ashes. He used that season of loss to prepare us to be Halle Grace's parents. He took a family who had lost a daughter, and a little girl who had lost her parents, and brought them together from across the world.
His plans are so much better than anything we could come up with on our own.
This is a fallen world, and tragedy happens all the time. But God loves to restore hope, heal wounds, and bring victory no matter how great the loss.

In my prayer time this morning, I thanked the Lord for what he has done in our family. I told him that from now on, March 30th is a day of joy and victory in our family. It feels good to be able to look back on this day, and not feel pain. I'll always miss our daughter, but instead of looking back on the sadness and loss, I look at it as the beginning of an incredible journey on which the Lord led every step.
That day made our family what it is today.
To God be the glory!

One Year ago Today Part II

March 14, 2008, we met out daughter for the first time. It was nothing like the day we first met our boys. This day invloved no labor pain and no hospitals - just the joy of finding our daughter after a long journey. God led us down a path we never expected, and he was so faithful through every twist and turn.
Here is another blast from blog entries past...

In she walked – this precious little girl. It’s one of those moments you know will stay in your memory and in your heart forever. She had on a purple turtleneck, a denim jumper with a butterfly on it (which she was very proud of!), yellow knee-high socks, and silver sandals. Her brown hair was in a ponytail, and I was just dying to take down that hair and play with it! She was very polite and we spoke to her via our translator. She started telling us all the things she likes to do – she likes Cinderella, dressing up, baby dolls with strollers, cooking, and dancing. Then she belts out in PERFECT speech this Russian poem about sunflowers! Precious! We knew right away that she was meant to be ours. We showed her the photo book we brought with pictures of our family, our home, friends, etc. She pointed to the bed in “her” room and said, “I want to lie down on THAT bed” (in Russian, of course!). Little does she know the hours I spent choosing that fabric and making that bed look perfect just for her! When it was time for her to go, she gave me the biggest hug and would not let go. I also got a couple of kisses on the cheek…while she probably got all wet from my tears! What a precious gift this little girl is!

After running around literally ALL day long getting paperwork started to set a court date, we got to go back for a quick visit this evening. This time, she gave Scott big hugs and even sat in his lap. We brought her a little doll, and she spent most of the time braiding the doll’s hair in perfect little braids (no delayed fine-motor skills here!). She also downed 3 cookies, and wrote down her numbers for us to show off her skills! We measured her, and she is about 42in. tall – just about Garrett’s height! She is just the smartest little thing…we’re biased a little, but I really would never have guessed that she was an orphan! It’s incredible and we know that the Lord has truly been keeping her in the palm of his hand for us. There are no doubts that He has been preparing her to meet us, and us to meet her.

Here is our first picture of our little Veka (short for Victoria...now Halle Grace Victoria)



More orphanage visits...

One Year ago Today

March 12th will always be a day we remember. It's the day of our adoption appointment with the SDA last year in Kiev. It was a day of miracles in the uncertin world of Ukrainian adoption. Here is a trip down memory lane...from the blog archives.

We have a referral!!!
We didn't sleep much last night. We knew it was in God's hands, but we are human and we were nervous. Finally, the time came, and we headed to the SDA. It's right by one of the beautiful churches (St. Andrews, I THINK). We walked up the stairwell into the office of the psychologist (more of a secretary, really). They were short on staff, so our facilitator got to come into the meeting with us. This was a HUGE blessing. She asked us our age and gender prefences (girl, up to 5), and started pulling out files one at a time. She showed us 2 girls under the age of 4. It was heartbreaking. One had FAS and one that could not use one of her legs. We asked for more files - new files. She left the room and returned with a beautiful little dark-haired 7-yr. old. We knew she wasn't ours. She was Grant's age. We asked again - "do you have any new files anywhere?". She left the room again, and returned with one more file and a big smile on her face. The little girl is ADORABLE! She is 5 years old. She has strabismus (crossed-eyes), which have already been corrected once by surgery. She could need one more operation. She has sandy-brown hair - with a few curls, and brown eyes. She is HEALTHY! We can't travel to meet her until tomorrow night, but we will get to meet her on Friday. She is in Mariupol, witch is a LONG way from Kiev. It's a small town about an hour and a half from Donetsk. More later...we're off to eat lunch (we're starving!!!).
Praise God for this gift! We feel so blessed, and feel this file that seemed to come out of nowhere was straight from the Lord. Pray that when we meet her, we will find that she is the one we came here for!

Back to today...
As I think back to that day, I remember the stress of not knowing what to expect at the SDA. We knew of several families who were in Kiev waiting for 2nd and 3rd appointments because they were not shown any remotely healthy chidren. It was one of those situations you can't strategize through...it's a pure, often terrifying, walk of faith. I remember standing in the cold, outside the SDA, waiting to be called in for our appointment. I remember staring at the GIANT iron gates in front of the building. And it struck me what a metaphor they were for all the obsticles in the Ukrainian adoption system. Then the Lord reminded me of one of the scriptures he had given me for that day...

I will go before you and level the mountains. I will break the break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. Isaiah 45:2

I didn’t know when or how, but I believed that the Lord was going to lead us to our child. He truly had gone before us and broke through the red tape to bring this little girl into our family.
Through that experience, I loved seeing the side of God that powerfully defends and rescues his precious orphans. What an amazing day to celebrate!

(Scott's going to scan in the SDA file photo we have of Halle Grace.)

Moving?!?

We are moving...most likely. We have a contract on our house as of last Saturday, and we are now knee-deep in repairs the buyers requested after the inspection. Is it REALLY that big of a deal for the hot and cold to be reversed in the tub? We lived with it for 8 years. Couldn't we just make a cute sign for it?
Other than that, the buyers seem to be a sweet young couple. They have their first baby on the way, and they are exactly who I had in mind when thinking of who would live here next. This will be a great place to raise their baby!
We have absolutely LOVED living here, and it's been a labor of love updating everything along the way.
But...a darling little girl came to live with us last year, and we feel we are starting to outgrow this house a little bit.
There are super deals all over the place right now.
The market is full of foreclosures, too.
So sad, really.
But we have found two great foreclosed-on homes that we would never have been able to afford otherwise. We have made offers on both houses. One we affectionately call The Swimming Pool House (I'm sure you can guess why). The bank that owns it finally gave us a verbal acceptance of our offer, so that is great news. This house has had a history (foundation issues), and is supposedly fixed now, but we will thoroughly investigate this before going through with this purchase. So right now, it's a "wait-and-see".
The second house is known as the Rock Wall House. It's on a hill and has a giant retaining wall in the backyard. It's a gorgeous house that is a total steal of a deal - and pretty much move-in ready. It also happens to be on the same cul-de-sac as some good friends, AND one of our babysitters! There are multiple offers on it and it could be up to a week before we know whether our offer was the best.

So now we wait.
We could end up with two great houses to choose from, or we could end up with neither one. Assuming our contract doesn't fall through for some reason, we don't close until April 24th on our current house, so we've got some time if we need it.
So that's what's been going on with us. It's been one crazy week - and it's bound to only get crazier!

Other than that, Garrett had his first soccer game last Saturday. He was amazing - that is one soccer-loving kid! He won his first ever organized sports game. His basketball team last year, AND his soccer team last year, NEVER won a single game! So this was a big deal for him.
We're on a new team this year, and it seems to be a perfect fit! :)

Halle Grace started swim lessons this week (don't worry - it's indoors). She LOVES to swim and had a great first lesson. We're heading to the beach in May and she MUST be able to swim by then!

Grant is anxiously awaiting the beginning of his spring football season. He's also knee-deep in a research project for school about the praying mantis. We made a paper-mache praying mantis tonight. Good times. :)

To answer some of your questions about my Valentina story...you're right - you hadn't heard that story before. There were some issues with the family who adopted her siblings and we had to keep it all extremely quiet. It was a huge, sticky mess. That was the whole reason for my blog going private before we left for Ukraine!